Ordeal in Hell:The IIT Hospital

Have been thinking of writing a blog on our beloved IIT Hospi for quite sometime.and What can be a better time to write just before the mid sems and so many submissions to be done.!

The hierarchy of Hospi:

1)S.M.O : Dr Nisha Shah :A typical gujju lady-no brain- highly talkative. You can often find her talking non sense with people in her room while the whole of IITB is waiting outside her room to get her signature.
I doubt if she has any knowledge of medicine. In my more then 10 meetings with her,Haven't ever heard her talking about medicine
Her Job Profile:
1) Well known to make your life tough, specially after the hospi Dr's have badly screwed you and you are fighting to save your life by running away from the hospi.
2) Chatting endlessly on phone.
3) The only thing worth mentioning that she do is signing the PINK slip.

If this is all she do then why not recruit a BlonDE from a local MBA college. At least would serve more purpose then an old gujju lady!! :P

A recent encounter:
Last sem after the hopsi Dr' had badly screwed with a small abscess i had, I was recommended to have an operation within 2 days. That day i had missed a quiz so i wanted to get a pink slip.
There was no way i could have got myself opened in IIT hospi. after standing in queue for 30 mins i got a chance to speak to her.
scene: reading my file ---
SMO : You must get operated soon. condition is critical.
Me: no way.! i want go home and will get the surgery done there. And i would like to have a second opinion before i really go for a surgery.
SMo: what is the problem in IIT hospi. We have all the facilities,We'll take good care of you,give u medicine,food etc in time..... LOL!!!!
Me:I really doubt whether i will be able to survive here.The Dr here are a bunch of Quacks.
Smo: Ok... where will u go then.
Me: hinduJa or may be to HN hospi.
SMo: Hinduja has bed problems.They are short of bed most of the time.
HN hospi isnt so good.The Dr there aren't so good. So please call your LG/Parents. I would explain them the whole situation and guide them. lol!!
Me: It will take atleast 1 day for my parents to come here.Why don't you give a pink slip and let me go.you are wasting my time.I can go to better hospi in bombay and get myself examined.

Smo: i cannot...You must be having LG's here. bring them
Me: i said yes....{although i don't have any}
dying of pain I ran to my dept i requested one of the project to become my LG.Explained him the whole situation.Cam back to hospi and found that SMo had gone for an hour long lunch .

Finally after signing at few places she let me go.

In another incident that day:
my friend Avinav was suffering from cough and cold.he started developing some breathing problem. he too wanted to go home. But Smo stopped him. Finally his mom flew in from delhi.Wasting a lot of precious time of the poor chap more then 10 hrs.In this much time he himself would have reached delhi. but who explains the brainless SMO.

next in the Hierarchy comes The visiting Dr's

1) Just 3 days back i suffered a wrist injury. the Dr in hospi asked me to see the orthopedic surgeon. the receptionist tell that all the appointments are filled for this week. you can get the appointment for 14th Feb.( that is after days from now).
probing the receptionist i came to know that the orthopedic Dr visit 2wice in a week sees only 12 patients in a day.

Now do they expect me to roam around with a broken wrist for 7 days..What crap! huh :X(


2)the surgeon : the surgeon also visits 2wice in a week.dont know how many patients he checks in a day.Officially his timings are from 1.30 to 5pm.the receptionist give u appointment for 1.30 pm. you reach there 1.45 assuming the Dr will come as per IST.
BUt he comes at 3.15 pm.

Next time again I get the appointment for 1.30pm . thinking that he "ll come late and will be there till 5pm skipping my lab in between this time I visit him at 4.30 pm.
Reaching there i came to know Dr has already left as there were no more patients.

what needs to be done:
Since all these Dr's have a pvt practice too so they are always in a hurry to go back.
So it is essential to see that they remain iit till their contracted time(2hr,3hrs whatever it be) and secondly there should be no limitation to the number of patients they see.

Next are the regular Dr's:

1 ) YS Khobragade: The most unskilled Dr of IIT. The man with the mask. The Dr who treats the patients as untouchable.
Not many ppl in IIT have been able to see his face as he is always wearing a mask on his face.Only the unlucky ones who consistently visit hospi so many time get this chance.
Would touch you only in highly extreme cases. he wouldn't even touch to check you pulse rate leave alone any wound or injury you suffered.

I owe my recent worsening of health resulting into an operation to him. Had he examined my abscess properly it wouldn't had to miss my approx. one month of lectures.
He just had a superficial look at the abscess and gives me a painkiller and one more medicine.
No antibiotics . Any normal human being knows that you require an antibiotic in cases like this.But Khobragade doesn't.

2) Dr hazel sunil: One of the few respected Dr in IIT. Probably the only Dr in IIT who uses a stethoscope. Have never seen any other Dr using a stethoscope and doubt if the carry one. You can always a find a long queue of patients outside her room.

but unfortunately she is here on contract and is not a permanent Dr in IIT.

3) Dr Ainapure: she is another popular Dr in hospi,supposedly the oldest Dr in hospi,.she is supposed to be a child specialist but consults patients of all ages children,aunties,old aged uncles all visit her.another Dr with a long queue outside her room. Have successfully been able to establish a patronage.

4) Dr Sheetal Kaley: She is new addition to the bunch of Quacks! A frnd of mine goes to her with a mouth ulcer.She ask him to take a few blood tests and gives him tablets for Liver. rather then giving some ointment for mouth ulcers or b-complex capsules she gives him tablets for Liver .

Later the test also reveled there is nothing wrong with his liver.
Fortunately no side effects happened.


Rest other Dr are like shit ,no better than RMP's (road side medical practitioner). Doubtful if they even posses a 1st class degree.
All the Dr;s here have been provided a PC in their,even the dressing room has a computer their.
You can find the compounder there checking his yahoo mail. Always trying to install yahoo messenger for linux. The desktop is full of rpm files of yahoo messenger.

don't know what is the use of a computer for a compounder, why not give the PC's to my dept which is highly short of a working Pc. where at a time not more then 8-9 Pc's are in working state.

The compounder's and the sisters form the last tier :

s Recently is discovered all the male staff members of the hospi can act a compounder.
Post operation I had to go for dressing everyday. In 20 days of dressing as many as 5 different ppl did my dressing and only two of them were compounder's.(which i discovered later)

since the regular compounder was on vacation so they had made a make shift arrangement.after all does dressing requires any skills? just remove the bandage and clean the wound with the antiseptic solution. and put a new bandage.
Ho gayi dressing!! as simple as that!!!

For different kinds of wounds you require different antiseptics. for the 1st 10 days my wound was cleaned using a IIT- made antiseptic solution later when the original compounder came back he told me that the solution they used before could have rot my wound as it had very high water component in it!!!in post operation case you use betadine solutions.

Fortunately nothing happened!!!

Nurses: Most the nurses are good. but there is one particular nurse she likes seeing human blood!!! must have been a vamp in one of her previous births..... :P
She never gives an injection in one go. Here is a stepwise guide for any wannabe nurse:

1st step: she'll put the syringe in your veins then inject a bit liquid
2nd : Will now pump in some blood back into the syringe.
3rd: Take the syringe out of your vein and have a good look at the red cloured liquid in syringe.
4th: Now she"ll administer the injection.

Three Nights in hospi: IF you really want to test your nerves. spending 3 nights in IIT hospi is the ideal way to do that.
Here are a few excerpts from my 3 night stay there:

1) The person lying on the bed next to me was psycho, he was being teated for some psychological disorder where in he used get Aggravated seeing female

2) on the other side was a bengali, whose good looking GF used to visit him daily.

3)Syrup of Death: You being given a syrup with an alive COCKROACH in it.
IT was about 2am and of the nurse came and gave the syrup to drink. as about to drink it...
but suddenly noticed 2 hair like things coming out of the syrup.
The color of syrup and cockroach was exactly the same providing with perfect example of camouflage. it brought back the memory of my 6th std. where we used to learn how animal use camouflage for their advantage.

These days were horrible, spent sleepless night with nightmares that the bajoo wala psycho guy will wake up at night and stab me with a knife.
May be it was due to this sleeplessness that i was a bit alert and didn't drank that syrup of death.

Or may be it teaches you a lesson that you must be alert at even 3 am night.!! Death can knock at your door anytime!!